Daughter of the risen one! (:

October 30, 2010

Deep cuts within.

Filed under: Rantings — Tags: — CynthiaAcacia @ 11:49 pm

I don’t like you when you’re with her. Don’t like you at all.

Perhaps I should go home early on my own when she comes. Or take separate trains. I don’t need to go through this cycle of mixed emotions. Do you even know why I want to take the train home with you? It’s because I need someone to talk to, someone to share my feelings to, someone to understand me. Perhaps I expect too much from you, who am I anyway? It’s always negative emotions of hate, jealousy and sadness. I always feel so hollow within. Not because I like you, but because you failed to see my cry out to you. The sarcasm just cuts me deep. I really expected too much from you don’t I? I think I do. Whenever I feel hurt by you, tears will brim at my eyes. Surely it’s true that the people you treasure and love most are also the people who can hurt you the most. It’s been a long time since I shed tears over a guy. And now I’m shedding tears over a guy that I don’t even have that feeling of “like”. Life’s ironic isn’t it. When you ask me if I’m okay, I will just pretend that I’m not hurt. That I’m fine. It’s funny how I can’t take your sarcasm when you’re with her. I like your sarcasm, it makes me smile and laugh. So why during those times does it bring me the deepest hurts? Perhaps I never told you this, but I can only take certain people’s sarcasm. And I don’t find it funny at all. Why are you fellowshipping at my expense? When I told you that I didn’t like going home with you when she’s around, you took it lightly. I would ask God, why? Why does this happens to me. But then again, who am I. I’m nothing.

It hurts so much that I wished I never boarded that train in the first place.

I wish you’d just read this and understand how important you are in my life…

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