Daughter of the risen one! (:

November 1, 2010

I am sorry for all these emo posts.

Filed under: Rantings — CynthiaAcacia @ 4:52 pm

I sometimes wish I was more subtle.
People don’t seem to get me.
And that sucks. Emo.
Been long since I said I’m feeling emo..
And I’m really emo right now. Hais.
I feel strangely empty and lonely.
And when my RJ was not submitted my first reaction was : F***
): I’m not dwelling in G.
I’m sorry God.
Imagine my surprise when it came out of my mouth.
I’m sorry if this post contains harsh contents,
and I guess this will break many people’s hearts as well.
Sorry that I’m insensitive and unfeeling.
But – sometimes I really wonder who my real friends are.
Or do I even have friends?
Do I even know the definition of friends?

It’s funny how I can never have a solid relationship.

A relationship I can fully trust, let go, enjoy with.
Someone who supports me without me asking them to or without me knowing it.
Someone who puts me as a priority and if decisions involve me,
they will consider me without me asking them to.
Someone whose open with me as I’m open with them.
Someone who accepts and sees my weird ways yet tells me that I’m special.
Someone who will always be there for me as I am for them.
Someone who can read me like a book,
like how I can read them.
Someone I can truly call “friend”.
Why? Cause people fail me time and time again.

But that’s okay, I fail them too.

If God was to ask me if I have anyone I can call a friend,
I dare not lie.
I can only say “acquaintances”.
And that’s only a friend, I can’t think of any.
What more a good friend, a best friend?
I’m not even thinking as far as a boyfriend or husband.
I hate it when people tell me,
I’m their best friend, good friend or friend.
Because I don’t feel the same way..
As much as I will still serve them,
love them and care for them.
I am unable to convey the same message back.
But sometimes I truly feel so alone.

Because nobody hears my deepest cries.

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