hahha. In your face Ethan Tan WeiLoong!
I’ve been wondering how sad/happy/emotionless
I will be when he gets himself a girlfriend.
Will I be sad? How sad will I be?
Will I be over him before that happens?
Will I harbour a hate?
Heh, I find myself amusing.
I can be so selfish.
So to all the people out there who keeps telling me I am selfless,
here’s the truth.
I can be extremely selfish that you will hate me to the core.
People find it wierd that I will like such a guy.
But hey, what’s there to not like about him?
He has fulfilled every quality I have listed down.
And he has enforced those first few quality so strongly that I am amazed.
And to think that I thought I have set impossible expectations.
Not out-of-the world physical looks and all that,
but that powerful inner beauty.
Why not him?
But hey God, I don’t know about you.
Maybe he’s not for me. Maybe.
Funny how I oppose relationships that form at a young age,
but constantly find myself liking guys so much older than me.
Hey, to the world 5 years age gap already is old.
How about 7.
I think it’s a wonderful age gap.
I always thought so. But oh well.
God, I been thinking hard as well,
how am I going to persuade my tuition teacher to release my brother fixed tuition timing?
I have done that with her younger daughter,
she’s bound to tell me what Jesus has done to her daughter.
It’s true the change is not as big as she might have expected,
it might not be prominent now.
I cannot directly influence her now either,
since we’re in different services..
But God how!
A child cannot experience change if he/she hardens her/his heart towards God.
My brother goes only for the sake of entertainment.
And even now, he’s tired of the food there.
He’s becoming more aware of money.
God tell me how!
What am I to do, how I wish God that he will understand.
Anw God, at 5am tomorrow,
I’m going to start walking to the park.
See you there, please God. Tell me how.
Service later :/
To tell the truth, I’m still not very used to the tertiary style.
Shreedhee asked me whether I still prefer Youth or tertiary.
I still prefer Youth..
I remember in Youth, we’d meet up before going to service together.
I wonder if anyone here would forget to go?
And if anyone would feel so sian to go alone that he / she decided not to go anymore?
Ultimately yes, it’s about the heart and the heart desires.
But an idle mind is the devil’s playground.
How sure are we that during the train / bus journey there
that someone would not think of such evil things against God etc?
Sure there’s discernment and we are to guard our hearts but..
how about those newer believers?
How about those people who are tired of serving?
I think one thing in youth that kept me going for service was the people.
We do more than plugging our ears with music on the train.
We shared life, we connected with our visitors through actions, care and words.
Their joy in Christ was pure joy and bliss to me.
It was a sight to behold.
Though we are a noisy group ( haha ) but I think love was in the atmosphere.
And it’s not just love for the people, God was also there.
When two or more gathers, there the presence of God will be.
The love for God,
is more than incredible.
And I loved it.
Which I do plug my ears very often nowadays since well, there’s particularly no one to talk to.
Talk to God?
Put your heart in peace?
Many a times I ride that dreaded train journey in loneliness.
I can’t expect everyone to meet up, since
Sure, my youth group wasn’t perfect either.
People were late too :/
In such cases,
two or three people would wait for the late person while the others went ahead first.
Cause we might be late for service, wouldn’t want that (:
I miss sitting on the stairs of the boon lay MRT station waiting for people.
It’s funny how it was such a habit that nobody bothered to hold it against anyone.
I guess it will be a hassle for the tertiary people even if we were to meet up in their areas.
But, I do miss it.
Everyone lives in different areas
There surely will be people who are late
I think that’s the stronghold of our unity.
Shreedhee said last time she would want to go back to youth but now she prefers tertiary.
For me, my answer stays the same.
If I had a chance,
I’d still go back to youth.
Yes, even if I had to start anew with different people.
That’s different from living in the past people.
I’m not living in the past, I just miss it.
After reading this, scold me if you want for holding to the past.
But that is something I will never trade for.